i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
