Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
