careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
