Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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