im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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