thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
