I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
