my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
