i just wanna soil my oats bro
You work out of a Hotel?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pants are for mortals
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
