I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
