i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
