so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
