i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
