sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
