either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
