you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
