Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
