He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
