so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
