I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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