you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
