i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He? As in you personified your dick?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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