it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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