I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
