i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
