The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
