hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm having to shit out rocks
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
