hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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