Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
