I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
