That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
