saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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