i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
