just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
