I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
