she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
