Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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