saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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