I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My cat gives me a boner
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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