I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
