Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
