So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My pussy is not your playground.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
