I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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