Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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