Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
