things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
