So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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