I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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