omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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