ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
