I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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