To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
