you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
