apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
