no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
